SEEING THE SIGNS THAT YOUR “NO” ISN’T HEARD
Here’s what to look for if your own needs aren’t being met.
Let’s be honest - it can be quite taxing to have to speak up.
From finding time to tend to ourselves to recognize the factors of our well-being, learning to say “no” can feel like just another thing on our to-do list. Culturally, women have grown up with the pressure to please, and this is especially true for moms. From one mom to another, we’re coming to you with a gentle approach to beginning this journey.
What if, instead of shouldering the burden of setting boundaries alone, we lean into saying “no” together?
5 SIGNS
Your “No” Isn’t Being Heard
Here are some of the most common signals that “no” doesn’t feel like an option.
1. You feel overwhelmed.
When you think of all the things you have on your plate, you might feel frozen in place, like you don’t know where to begin. You’re not alone in this. 62% of moms surveyed in the 2022 SeekHer Shift report say that they feel overwhelmed with everything and are juggling too much [1].
2. You feel like you are missing the mark.
There’s a gnawing feeling of “not enough” clouding how you feel about yourself. Though you’re pushing as hard as you can, you find yourself dissatisfied with the results. You know you should probably relax, but when everything seems important, it's impossible to know how. Nearly 1 in 3 women (32%) confirm they are setting impossibly high expectations for themselves in motherhood [2].
3. You feel like there is never enough time to take care of yourself.
Perhaps you often find yourself reaching the middle of the day without having had a complete meal, or you can’t remember the last time you had a long conversation with a friend. Taking a day — or even an hour — for yourself feels laughable. Mothers, in particular, report being buried under a mountain of roles and tasks that often go unchecked; nearly 70% of mothers reported feelings of guilt when taking time for themselves [1].
4. You feel guilty for having to choose work over time with family.
You have a mental calculator and a running tab of the cost of doing good work: most of the time, it comes down to spending less time with your family, and that feels hard and shameful. That’s not uncommon: Nearly 1 in 3 women (32.6%) believe that they must be less of one role in order to fill another role well [2].
5. You aren’t sure who you are beyond your role as a mother.
When you’re asked about what you like to do, or what you’re passionate about, it takes you a while to find an answer. You recognize that most of the time, your attention is focused on caring for your family. With 54% of moms saying that it helps to remember that motherhood is not their fixed identity [1], it’s time to embrace who you are as a whole person.
References — [1] SeekHer Shift: 2022 Report on the State of Women’s Mental Health; [2] SeekHer Shift: 2023 Report on Bridging the Gap in Women’s Mental Health
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